Sadly, my last blog post for this semester. I am really sad
to stop having such amazing lessons each week and being able to write about it
to help retain what I really do learn. So, for my last article I will talk
about divorce and separation.
First, I want to start with divorce. We learned about many
ways that we can avoid divorce or ways that can prevent it. 24% of people who
marry divorce and it stems from simple things to avoid. Some of which include,
having a higher education (going to college), marrying at a mature age (this does
not mean marry at an age where you have a huge career or planted in your roots,
because then it is harder to start a new life with someone when you both are
very established, rather marry at an age such as young 20’s because then you
both can start your life together and figure things out together), avoiding
impulse marriage (Vegas…shall I say more?), marry in your own religion type
(this can cause less fights and building on a same foundation of religion helps
build a relationship), and waiting to have sex before marriage as well as cohabitating
before marriage. Now those are things that are easier to avoid. But, there are
some statistics on things that cause divorce that are not easy to avoid, such
as having parents that divorce (this make it hard because, seeing parents divorce
show there is an easier way out of problems in relationships then working
things out. Not always the case.
There was another interesting part of divorce, and that was
the stages of divorce.
1.
Emotional Divorce. This is when you emotionally
start disconnecting from your spouse and don’t feel that draw to stay together.
2.
Legal Divorce. Self-explanatory where you
legally file for a divorce.
3.
Economic Divorce. This is where everything gets
split up between the two. All finances are no longer linked together and you
become two separate people, no longer finally connected.
4.
Co-parenting. Where you both are now single
parents over the children.
5.
Community Divorce. This is interesting, this is
where the community starts to choose sides. Friends you once had as a couple
now have to choose whose side they are going to be friends with.
It is interesting to see how divorce plays out and how many people
it truly does effect. But, the worst it effects is children. It’s so important
to try to work things out together before stepping into this dark mess of
divorce.
We also went over how much more it cost to divorce, especially
with children. We went over the cost and found that people were spending
$125,000 more every year becaauee of being divorced with children. The expenses
included another house payment, child support, travel to see children, etc. It
was amazing how quickly it took to add up the costs form divorce. Not to
mention any kind of therapy for children who struggle with divorced parents.
I next want to talk about separation. Separation in most
cases are just a first step before divorce, very rarely do those that separated
stay together. My teacher who is a marriage therapist said in all his time he
has only seen 3 couples who separated stay together and he said they all had
something in common. He advised them to go on a date or two every week. Start
fresh. They were to not see or very little talk during the week then have a
formal date or two during the week. This caused reconnection and to fall back
into love again. But, in most cases it does not work to stay separated.
